Answer

1. Have a system: as much as you can systematize your weekly schedule do so to reduce the stress for when the baby comes. This includes having menus and grocery lists on a bi-weekly rotation, having a reasonable and achievable gentle fitness routine you follow, sharing pictures of the new baby with family members by creating a WhatsApp group, etc. The system and the routine will give you a sense of containment and predictability, which is especially important when you are adjusting to a new baby. Remember, the system should support, not increase your pressure. Start with what you need, and what you can realistically accomplish and build a routine from there. Be ready to adjust often.
2. It takes a village. Delegate and outsource as much as possible for the first 2 months. It might be you have to call your friend to be with the baby while you sleep or hire a cleaning staff, or a person who is there for the first two months of the baby to help support you. For the first two months, you need to call upon your friends and hire your village. Do not try to do this alone.
3. Know that your pre-baby social life might be on break for a while. Sometimes we feel that our pre-baby life and social events have come to an end because of the arrival of the new baby. Don’t panic, you are in an adjustment period and you will soon find your footing in this new way of being. Find ways of staying connected to other people who are in a similar life stage/phase as you.
4. Prioritize sleep. This means that maybe the house is not going to be super neat or the food will need to be taken out, it’s okay- especially for the first 2-3 months. Your body is recovering from having given birth, and sleep is the most important thing you can do for your recovery.
5. Seek support. As we live away from family members, you may need to learn from a doula about bathing, sleep schedules, feeding schedules of the baby. As much as motherhood is an intuitive process, we need our elders to help us find our way.

Not a tip, but an important thing to mention- take care of your mental health, prioritize yourself, take care of yourself. As much as it is instinct to sacrifice ourselves for our children, it is not helpful for the child. The baby does not have a developed nervous system so it needs the mother’s nervous system to regulate him/herself. The baby needs a calm maternal nervous system in order to regulate it self. If you are stressed or worried, figure out what you are stressed and worried about, seek support, and soothe your system. A happy mother is the best thing for a new baby.

The Lighthouse Center mental health and wellness clinic

5 years ago